Where is the hickey?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
