HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
