I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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