i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
