I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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