Your face is a jimmy john
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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