Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
