she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
