Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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