I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
