just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think my mom watched the whole time
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize