We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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