Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
