maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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