So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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