I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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