Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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