Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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