I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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