just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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