Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
