Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
