I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
