If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
