I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nicole vs. Life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No subtext here. People are naked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
