Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
