part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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