just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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