girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
