Betty ford says i'm here all night
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
