I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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