your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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