Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
