Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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