I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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