At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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