You smell like a Billy Joel song
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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