don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
