it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
