Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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