that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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