I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
