tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
