I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I will die if light touches me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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