He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
