So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
