All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
