She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
