I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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