I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
