I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
