I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
