I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
