So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
