I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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