you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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