just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
