I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
