Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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